Tinder, Exes, and Stalkers, Oh My!

Let me just get this out there now, my love life is a mess. It's either nonexistent or a mess, and honestly, I don't know which one is worse. There's just so much pressure from everyone, everywhere, on finding someone and being in a relationship, that it makes my head spin. Especially when all of your friends have boyfriends, which in my case, has been true since I first made friends in pre-school, (sorry girls, you know I love you but this is quite true). Even more so since the holidays are around, it's a constant reminder that I'm single. You can shove that mistletoe right up your ass, thank you very much.

Even though I'm extremely outgoing, I've never been one to really put myself out there dating-wise. Mostly because I truly don't give a shit and don't have time to cry over little boys who can't figure out how to dial a number. And if you can't figure out how to call - let's be serious, text- a girl, then in reality, why should I even bother with you? You're dumb, clearly. I've also always been told that I can be quite intimidating and that boys may have the tendency to feel inferior to me, (could you tell from the previous sentence?). But you know what I have to say to that? Grow a fucking set, man up and be happy with a woman who isn't afraid to be successful, confident, and driven.

With all of that being said, my equally-as-confident best friend and I happened to have been going through pretty rough break-ups at the same time and after we each took some time for ourselves and reflected back on what could have been, my main girl decided it was time that we get our asses in gear and get back into the dating game. As a result, Tinder became a new word in my vocabulary, (after much persuasion mind you, since my ass is as stubborn as a mule). Clearly, from my last post "A Hopeless Romantic in a World Where Romance is Hopeless," it's obvious that I am, by no means, a fan or participant in online dating, (no judging, just my opinion), but the fact that Tinder doesn't allow random creeps with fake pictures to message you, it seemed a little bit better in my book.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Tinder, here is a quick run-down. Tinder is a dating app that you can download on your phone, but you must have a Facebook for it to be able to build your Tinder profile. None of your personal information will be put on Tinder, just your first name, age and a few photos, and Tinder will never post anything on your Facebook. All I need is people scrolling through their newsfeed and seeing "Jaclyn has a new Tinder match!" but I guess I just blew up my own spot now, so there goes that. You can then adjust your settings to what gender you're looking for, the age range and the maximum miles away you want the other person to be. Then, let the games begin! Pictures of different people come up and you can either swipe to the left if you don't like them or swipe to the right if you do. If you both like each other, then you are able to message each other.

Granted, even though you have to like someone back for them to be able to message you, you will still get the dirtiest, most inappropriate, eye-rolling messages, I promise you. I've had guys send me messages about their size, (no, not their shoe size, silly), my boobs, what they want to do to me, and where I can meet them at 3:30 a.m., because yes, I absolutely decided to become the next Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman." But, obviously all of this was expected because even though it's an app, Tinder is still a form of dating through social media. Have I had any luck? Well sure, there's been a few guys that have sparked my fancy but hey, I'm not about to end up in a ditch somewhere because I met a guy off of Tinder, (does "The Craigslist Killer" ring any bells?). Perhaps I'll toy with the idea of saying yes to a date if some of my girl friends can tailgate us with spy wear kits, you know like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen style- "We'll solve any crime by dinner time!"

I blame two of the reasons I was persuaded into joining Tinder on my ex, and my so-called stalker. Honestly, I thought my ex was the one, but he got scared and ran away, (what the fuck else is new), so that idea turned to shit real fast. Then, low and behold, just when I was down and out about my ex, a twice-divorced 42-year-old man, (yes, because that's exactly my type, how did he know?), decides he likes my personality, oh yeah, and my rack, and starts showing up at my work everyday, sometimes just to say hi. Greattttttttt. So, with an ex that left me high and dry, and a stalker that's up my ass, and looking down my shirt, I turned to what seemed like a last resort, Tinder. And honestly, if that's any single girl's last resort, then honey, we're all doomed.

A Hopeless Romantic In A World Where Romance Is Hopeless

Can I just ask what the hell happened to dating? Shall we just ponder that question for a few minutes? What happened to men being gentlemen and women being ladies? What happened to chivalry? It’s not hard to walk an extra 15 feet to open up the passenger side door. Honestly, when did men stop being gentlemen and earn the title of douchebags?

Take it back to the beginning; as little girls we were always taught to believe in true love, prince charming and happily ever after. Who in part can we thank for that? Why, Disney of course! We were all brought up watching “Cinderella,” “Sleeping Beauty,” “Snow White,” etc., which taught us all at young age that someday our prince will come for us, show us the meaning of true love and we would live happily ever after. Now in the 21^st century, you’re lucky to even get a guy to call when he said he would, forget the glass slipper or even flowers for fucks sake.

But we’re no longer little 6 year olds in Belle footy pajamas enthralled with Disney love stories, oh no, we’ve moved on to Victoria's Secret sweat pants and Nicholas Sparks’ movies. Again, even at 24, we’re told that this magical true love still does exist. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe that it does, I would just like to know where the hell it is.

Guys no longer want to commit, even in their late 20’s, (when the stigma says they should), and all girls want is a commitment; it’s a lose-lose situation. It’s hard to meet someone anywhere anymore, especially in a bar because honestly, slurring your words and spilling your drink on me is not going to make my panties drop, sorry.  

It also seems that guys are little girls when it comes to settling down and committing, they’re scared shitless. Why are they so terrified that some girl is actually going to make them happy enough that they don’t have to go looking for random vagina every night? God forbid. My favorite scenario is when you’re dating a guy for a few months, all is well and then one day they just disappear, poof, gone; like hello did you die? And then if you try to text them and find out why they disappeared, you're automatically deemed as psycho and crazy; is that a joke? Why does this happen you ask? Because ladies, our tits are bigger than their balls.

Although dating during our 20’s can be extremely discouraging and heartbreaking, there are so many different ways to cope. You can always write a song about your shitty ex and then make millions off of your heartbreak like Taylor Swift; now that’s my kind of girl. Selling your ex’s soul to the devil to make a quick million is one of the best revenges I’ve ever seen. Sure, Taylor’s had her heartbroken time and time again, but so have we, and guess what? She’s laughing all the way to the bank.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to come off as some cynical, heartbroken 24-year-old but I will tell it like it is, and guys, this is what you look like to us women. Just stop disappointing us and yourselves and do us all a favor and start acting like true gentlemen again, you might even find a girl with some respect for themselves then. Like I said before, I do believe in true love and happily ever after, I really do. I feel like I’m one of the few hopeless romantics left in this world because yes, I do believe there is a prince charming out there for me and for you too. All of these Disney movies and Nicholas Sparks movies are based on it, so it does exist somewhere out there. And like the saying goes, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, hell there’s even a dating website for it now. But you know what? I fucking hate fishing, so I think I'll just wait to be reeled in by my prince charming, thank you very much.

How Stella, I Mean Jaclyn, Finally Got Her Groove Back

Seeing as how Kim Kardashian is now 33, engaged to Kanye West, (you know, the most humble man alive), and even managed to make her ass bigger by popping out a kid, it clearly has been one hell of a long time since I've last written a post for this blog. To be honest, I actually forgot about this blog and even forgot how much I loved to write; I lost my spark, to say the least.

I believe it all started going downhill for me after I graduated college, big surprise there right? I'm pretty sure every college graduate from the past few years is nodding their head in agreement with me here. Flashback to May 2011, I was a fresh-faced, naïve college graduate who thought every door of every magazine company was going to open up just for me, red carpet and all, and offer me the best editing job ever. Hold on one moment while I pop my own bubble and drag my ass back down to reality. Want to know what really happened? I couldn't get a job. Oh, my mistake I actually did have two jobs. I was a journalism major who worked at Starbucks and was a nanny. Wow, I was really going places in life.

After six months of constant rejection and way too much loneliness for a social butterfly such as myself, I decided I no longer liked how unkind New York had been treating me. So, I packed my shit up, moved out of my apartment and moved back into my parents house in Rhode Island. Now, mind you, I am fully aware that there is no Cosmopolitan or Entertainment Weekly even close to the perimeter of RI, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices and I sacrificed my career for my own personal happiness. Judge all you like but it was a decision that had to be made and honestly, I don't regret it one bit.

Present day: it's been two and a half years after I graduated college and, am I where I thought I would be? No, absolutely not. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I still managed to live this Carrie Bradshaw-lifestyle in RI because anyone who knows me will easily call me out on my shit. Plus, nobody likes a liar, now do they? Anyways, I've come to realize that within the last two years, I had lost my love of writing. It's quite unfortunate seeing as how it's one of my main passions, (besides TV, you did see the title of this blog, right?), and something I knew I had wanted to do since I was a kid. I think sometimes its very easy to doubt your own talents and let them fall through the cracks especially since rejection, of any kind, is disheartening to say the least. But, with recent realizations, inspirations, epiphanies, and much needed kicks in the ass from some pretty amazing people (Kyle, Laura, Meaghan, Christina, Jenna, and Sira), I am getting back to my roots, getting back to my passion, and finally, getting my groove back.

Kim Turns The Big 3-0

Anyone who has ever known me and does know me knows that I am beyond obsessed with Kim Kardashian. Ask me why and I can't even tell you, I just love her. I love how gorgeous she is, her body is ridiculous and she's just so glamorous. I've even had my dream come true when I met her, Khloe and Kourtney with my best friend Christina. The girls are just as funny, nice and down to earth as they are on TV.

Due to my obsession, I obviously watch Kourtney and Kim Take New York, big shocker there right? Well last night Kim turned 30, although her birthday was actually in October, due to editing the party just aired last night. The whole episode was basically exploiting Kim for being boring on her 30th birthday while the rest of the Kardashians act crazy, basically they act themselves. I feel for Kim, because turning 30 has to be such an insane wake up call to realize you're no longer this hot 20-something young thing. BUT in Kim's case, she's still as hot as ever, so no need to worry girl, you'll still be hot as shit even when your 80.

Another highlight of the episode was the fact that for once, Scott (for those who live under a rock, Scott is Kourtney's boyfriend and father to their child), actually mans up and may I even say the word matures? Last year on Kim's birthday in Vegas, Scott was blacked out drunk and embarrassed himself and the Kardashian family by acting like a hot mess and shoving money down a waiter's throat. This year, Scott has decided to stop drinking and realizes that being back in Vegas is just not a good idea for him right now. I say, kudos kid, it was definitely the right decision and will hopefully get some of the haters off of your back. However, people will still probably hate you for the way you dress, sorry.

The best part of last night's episode revolved around two incidents in which Kris Kardashian let her wild self be the life of the party. In one scene inside Tao nightclub, the cameras pan to Kris humping the shit out of Perez Hilton on the dance floor, in which I rejoiced because of course I love Perez, so it was just a great little affair to see. Then, as if Kris could ever be tamed, she is the first one to get the party started at 3AM by doing a keg stand. It was beyond hysterical but if my mother ever did such a thing, I wouldn't find it to be all that funny. Actually, I would probably asked to be disowned from my family on the spot. But hey, it's Kris Kardashian, she gets a hall pass.

Along with being a reality TV starlet, fashion designer, business woman, store owner and permanent advertisement endorser, my girl Kim has decided to record a song with producer The Dream. During her New Years Eve party in Vegas at Tao Nightclub, Kim gave the audience a first listen to the song called "Turn It Up." The producers have yet to air anything regarding her vocal talent because the song has yet to be released or even leaked for that matter. I'm assuming the producers will make us wait for the episode in which they show her in the studio with The Dream actually recording the song. Can she actually sing? I have no idea but I love her too much to even care.

Ever Wonder: 'Where Are They Now?'

Do you ever catch an old movie or episodes of an old TV show and wonder "where are they now?" Well I do all the time. I especially wonder where the cast of my favorite TV show ever is.

I wonder what happened between Cory and Topanga after they moved to New York. I wonder if Angela and Shawn ever spoke again or if Shawn living with Cory and Topanga worked out. I wonder if Eric ever found a girl for himself and finally stopped playing the field. I wonder if Jack and Rachel still stayed in their relationship. I wonder if Feeny still lives next door to Amy and Alana. But mostly I wonder, where are they now?

I remember when "Boy Meets World" first premiered on ABC in 1993. I was about four years old but still remember the day I fell in love with that show. It used to be on the old ABC lineup for TGIF, which included "Step by Step" and "Family Matters." Every Friday night my mom and I would sit down for a few hours and enjoy our favorite shows.

Even back then I was obsessed with entertainment, it's probably my mom's fault. But anyways, I just really loved "Boy Meets World," and I still do to this day.

Whenever I get asked the question, what's my favorite TV show, without any hesitation at all, I say "Boy Meets World." Yes, I love "90210," "Gossip Girl," and "Glee," but "Boy Meets World" will forever hold a special place in my heart, and yes I do know how absolutely corny that sounds.

I own the whole entire series on DVD and can give you every single line in my favorite couple of episodes. I still laugh whole-heartedly at the same jokes and same scenes that I've seen hundreds of times, because to me, this show never gets old.

To be honest, I really wish they had more shows like this still on the air. Actually, just writing this column I think I might start a campaign to have a "Boy Meets World" reunion.

I watched the whole series over the summer and just recently finished the last episode, and yes of course I cried like a baby on the series finale, just like I do every time I watch it. Even though I have seen every single episode, and own them all, I still feel like that show ended a little bit unfinished, which is why I decided to look up where all the actors are now. To tell you the truth, I'm disappointed in what I found.

Since "Boy Meets World" ended in 2000, Ben Savage, who played Cory Matthews, hasn't really been in the headlines, or in anything actually. There's always been that random rumor every three years or so that goes around saying that he's dead and then Savage is forced to show himself in the flesh to prove the rumors wrong. Savage took a three-year break from acting after the show ended and has only had guest-starring roles in shows like "Chuck" and "Without A Trace." I actually even found a video of him fist pumping with Snooki on Youtube and it made me wish I had never seen it--I'm forever traumatized.

Rider Strong, who played Shawn Hunter, has been around a bit, acting in a few indie horror flicks, all of which no one has ever heard of. He was the lead character in 2002's "Cabin Fever," and was also in 2009's "Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever," but died in the first three minutes of the film. That pretty much says it all for his career after "Boy Meets World."

Danielle Fischel, who played Topanga Lawrence, was in a few National Lampoon movies that went straight to DVD and also appeared on some random TV shows. She now, however, stars on "The Dish," which is the Style Networks own rendition of "The Soup," which is on E!

Will Friedle, who played Eric Matthews, has actually done absolutely nothing since the show ended. He did voice Ron Stoppable on Disney's "Kim Possible," but that show ended years ago and Friedle has since not been anywhere in the entertainment industry. I think this saddens me the most as he was the funniest one in the cast and kept me laughing for days. William Daniels, who played George Feeny, is still alive and kicking, thank God, and has been appearing as guest roles on "The King of Queens," and "Scrubs" and was also in "Blades of Glory," and "The Benchwarmers."

William Russ and Betsy Randle, Alan and Amy Matthews, respectively, have also not been in the entertainment industry that much either. Russ has had some guest starring roles on "Boston Legal," and "Wildfire," while Randle retired from acting after her last stint on "Charmed" in 2004.

Matthew Lawrence, who played Jack Hunter, was in a few Disney movies with his two brothers, Joey and Andy, and was in hit movies like "Hot Chick," and "The Comebacks." Maitland Ward, who played Rachel McGuire, dyed her hair blonde and starred in "White Chicks," and has a reoccurring role on "The Bold and The Beautiful."

Trina McGee, who played Angela Moore starred in "Friday After Next," and that was pretty much it.

As any fan of "Boy Meets World" can see after finding out what happened to the cast of a once great hit TV show, the results seem to be extremely disappointing.

Hollywood: How Could It Hurt You When It Looks So "Good"?

The infamous Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (Spiedi, to those pop culture junkies) went into hiding for nine weeks. That might as well have been a decade for the couple that drools over fame and calls their own paparazzi as they make spectacles of themselves in public. Nine weeks, and then the buzz about Montag’s People cover grew to an astonishing volume.

On Nov. 20, 2009 in just one day, Montag, 23, received 10 plastic surgeries that resulted — she claims — in a near death experience in which Montag said, "I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did. My breathing was five breaths per minute, which is like almost dead." The $30,000 surgical makeover included chin reduction, mini brow lift, nose job revision, botox in forehead and frown area, fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, neck liposuction, ears pinned back, liposuction on waist, hips and inner and outer thighs, buttock augmentation and breast augmentation revision. These noted surgeries were the only ones that Pratt “allowed” his wife to get.

The cover of People read “addicted to plastic surgery,” which Montag denies. In her defense, Montag said, “none of those people know me at all. And that's just a judgment. I'm not addicted. If you're addicted to something, you have to do it all the time, not once every couple years, if even.” Yet Montag then goes on to say that she wants even bigger breasts than her already triple D, "I like the F. I actually want H for Heidi."

Tom Horvath, a psychologist who operates an addiction treatment center in La Jolla, Calif. Says, "The pleasure you get from having people think you're beautiful isn't quite the same as intoxication from a substance, but it's similar enough that I'm willing to consider this a potentially addictive behavior.” According to dictionary.com, addiction is the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. By looks of Montag’s new face, severe trauma was definitely caused.

Along with the public backlash of Montag’s new look, celebrities have not been shy about voicing their opinions. Actress Emmy Rossum twittered, “It upsets me to see young women in the spotlight advocating plastic surgery. ANY surgery is extremely dangerous & should not be taken lightly, much less, used as a tool to increase notoriety or popularity.” When confronted with the thought that her plastic surgery addiction might cause young girls to take the risk and alter their looks as well, Montag feels she’s not to blame. “Young girls who want to get it would get it regardless," said Montag.

Whether Montag is to blame or not, plastic surgery procedures are on the rise for teenagers and young women. According to statistics from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, or ASAPS, Americans spent nearly $12 billion on more than 10 million cosmetic procedures in 2008. And that was during a severe economic downturn. More than 160,000 procedures were performed on youths 18 and under in 2008. By comparison, fewer than 60,000 procedures were performed on the 18-and-under set in 1997. “I would never have done more than three or four. What worries me is the commentary she is making to young girls. My young girl looks up to her and likes her. What message is she sending to young girls?” asked Dr. Robert Rey from Dr. 90210.

Although Pratt is usually made out to be the bad guy in every situation he finds himself in (The Hills, anyone?) he actually tried to stop Montag from getting the surgeries. "Anytime I hinted that it might be a little much or if I just asked if she was sure, I even felt like I was crossing lines. I'm not in charge of what she does with any part of her body. I'm her husband – not her owner,” said Pratt.

During an interview for her new CD, which just happened to debut the same week as the People cover, Montag was asked if she thought she had gone too far, to which she replied, "I would know when I have gone too far. I know now that for a long time I'm good and it's just maintenance. As I get older I'll probably keep up with it. I definitely think that enough is enough. This is as far as I want to go for a long time. I don't want to look like Cat Lady." Some say the resemblance is impeccable between Montag and “The Cat Lady” who has had $4 million worth of plastic surgery.

While Montag was fighting off criticism of her “new look” she was also out promoting her debut album, “Superficial.” Oh, the irony. Montag spend $2 million and three years making the album so naturally she compares her “work of art” to that of Michael Jackson’s. “I wanted it to be back to the Thriller days, to that kind of sound. Its timeless music, so whenever it comes out was the right timing. But I’ve spent as much time–maybe more, even–than Thriller,” claimed Montag.

Even with her highly publicized magazine cover and countless TV segments, Montag’s album debuted to dismal 658 copies sold. Guess she really measured up to Jackson’s Thriller. While promoting her album on Good Morning America, Montag was asked to sing something live to which she said, “I'd rather not, I just got a lot of surgeries, so my jaw is still very delicate.” If anyone in their right mind was shocked at how few copies Montag’s album sold, that last quote should clear up any confusion one might have not only about her album but also about Heidi Montag herself.

Beauty & The Briefcase Bombs

Now don't get me wrong, as a Disney-lover, I am in love with Hilary Duff. I think she's the only former Disney starlet who hasn't had coke stuck in her nose in photographs nor has she flashed her private parts to paparazzi everywhere when exiting a car. But, when your latest movie goes straight to TV, you know your career is in deep shit.

It seems that for some reason, former Disney stars were only at their prime time of stardom when they were on Disney. For Hilary Duff, that was Lizzie McGuire. After the show ran for four years, Hilary Duff became a household name and still is, but has currently been falling off the radar slowly while being replaced by Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus.

The last time Duff was in a theatrical movie was with Cheaper By The Dozen 2, in which she was merely a minor character. Although Duff has also sold over millions of dollars and as her own fashion line, her acting career has slowly began to slip away.

Beauty & The Briefcase premiered on ABC Family last Sunday, April 18th. The ratings were so-so and weren't that surprising considering the lack of promotion of the movie. I personally forgot it was even premiering that night so I caught it this past weekend. To be completely honest, the movie was horrendous. Duff plays a freelancer for Cosmopolitan and has to go undercover in the business world to fall in love with a man in a suit. The storyline is completely cheesy and utterly unrealistic, especially when Duff's character enters the business world and is asked out by multiple men every day she's there. Like that happens to every woman, I'm so sure.

I was really pulling for Duff to shine in this movie, and while her acting could be classified as OK, the rest of the movie pulled her and her career down that much further. Duff really needs to come out with a hit theatrical movie sometime soon to secure her spot as Hollywood teen-queen actress.